First Time Mum
Can I keep it one hundred with y’all? There was a period in time that I would find myself mourning the death of my previous life. Whilst I am forever grateful for the gift of motherhood, I was not made aware of the cost. Welcome to another sphere of adulting my dear friend. The quality me time craving is real; you never know the worth of something until its gone.
When was the last time I took a shower that lasted longer than five minutes without interruptions, taking a leak without my husband yelling “Babe, our son is missing you” which is his diplomatic way of saying “baby is crying, attend to him”, eating a meal without my baby needing a feed himself. Speaking of feeding, I’ve come to terms that my lovely lady lumps are no longer my property. Sleep is a luxury. Folks asking after the baby and your hubby, hello people I’m right here! I’ve gotten use to hearing “you are just sitting around at home all day” … Jesus take the wheel. Yes being both a wife and mother is common, but being excellent at it, is a lot of work.
I’m now a mother. Bittersweet moment. More sweet than bitter. The death needs to happen in order for transition to occur. Where there is change, you can not remain the same. You must adapt. Adjust. Mentally and emotionally. Spiritually and Physically. Financially and any other long word that is contently applicable ending in “ally”.
Is there something terribly wrong with me? No but you must not stay in that state. Move on. Ride against the tide with the Holy Spirit. Loose and release yourself to the One who is more than capable of handling and supplying your very need to the tee. Don’t frustrate Charis. Receive grace, His Heavenly assistance and remain in a state of joy. Smile, Jesus loves you. Your spouse, who knows might know more or just as much as you do or less can not be your outlet every time. That is too much of a burden. They are only human. The Holy Spirit, His name is Jesus, is here to help you.
I receive His grace every time. I tap into His inexhaustible resources. When I have no more to give, I softly whisper His name from my spirit, “Jesus” and almost automatically His Joy warms me. His supernatural strength empowers me to do what moments ago I thought was impossible. Baby crying. I smile. He needs his mother. The thing that I can only define closely to as a dark cloud of negativity has been lifted. I thank You. I run to him. The most rewarding is the most sacrificial. Giving birth was the easy part. Maintaining the blessing, that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Strength to give birth. Strength to redefine, rediscover who I am. It’s all part of this awesome journey of parenthood. Things can only get better. I await the joy of who I evolve into. I’m not reacting to being a mother just accepting the growth pangs of womanhood.